You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
