What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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