Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
