I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
