I skipped work to stalk him.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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