I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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