it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
