Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
