for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
