At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
