I just saw a hot homeless man
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's official drugs can't kill me
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
