If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
