You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
