How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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