Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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