her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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