escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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