I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
