hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
