just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
