True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
