Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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