p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
