I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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