Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
