my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
