as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
