You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
