Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
