We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have tasted many bathrooms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
