people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
