I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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