i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
