She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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