i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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