I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
