Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
