well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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