And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize