He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
