just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
