YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
What a dumb baby whore.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
