You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
