My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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