Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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