i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
