i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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