Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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