i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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