I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
