Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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