somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
