Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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