I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
