She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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