Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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