Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
