They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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