My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
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I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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