Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
