Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
