Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
