Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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