i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i think i just lost a toe
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
