They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
